Midlife Crisis – Symptoms and Solutions

Facing Midlife Crisis

A midlife crisis is a real process. Every person goes through midlife change. If you are 40 years old, welcome to being at the midlife point of life. However, Only 1 in 4 people during midlife will experience a midlife crisis.

  • Midlife is when we take a moment to empower ourselves to be more for our future.
  • A midlife crisis is when the change is BIG and it disrupts your old life to the point of creating conflict.

While midlife happens roughly around 40, a midlife crisis itself is not tied to a specific age, We have seen midlife crisis happen as early as 35 and as late as 56. Casey was 37 when experiencing his midlife transformation.

Let’s first go over the signs a person is experiencing a midlife life crisis.

A Picture of Midlife Crisis

Casey exploring the world during his midlife crisis.
Not every midlife crisis has to be explosive!

Turn midlife around into being an amazing opportunity!

I began working with Casey in 2018. At the time, I was having a crisis over my enjoyment of work and was looking for objective guidance and mentoring. We have worked together ever since, with varying regularity and intensity. Casey is an extremely deep thinker and spiritually extremely aware. He has tailored his approach to our conversations to a style that suits me. Using language and experiences that challenge me but remain relevant and appropriate. Casey remains at the top of my call list when I meet a problem needing to be thrashed out in a non-judgemental but thought-provoking way!

Edward
Edward


The 6 Top Signs of Midlife Crisis.

Most of the changes associated with a midlife crisis are psychological changes. While we are also changing physically in midlife, all the changes are part of our natural aging processes. The most noticeable physical aging aspect of midlife change is menopause for women. People also do experience hormonal shifts and boosted sexual activity during midlife crisis.

Acting as Two Different People

A person in midlife is changing from an older version of themselves into a newer story of life.

This process doesn’t happen all at once but slowly shifts over time. The two versions of a person, the old and new, often co-exist for a year or two during midlife. A person in midlife will shift their personality as they grow into their newer self-created story. It’s very similar to adolescence when a teenager acts both as a child and an adult in an alternating manner.

The person in midlife change focuses on the newer changes evolving within their lives. At the same time, partners and friends of the midlifer concentrate on the midlifer’s older self. The difference in life story perspective creates quite a bit of conflict as the newer and older stories rarely match up.

The other aspect of this change is the midlifer often will revisit older challenges from the person’s childhood.

Much patience is required from all parties to reduce the conflict as the midlifer slowly takes the best of their old and new life to become a better person.

In part, the shifting of a personality drives many midlife affairs. The newer personality tends to look at other people as part of their growing experience. Ironically we can use this fact to save your marriage from an affair. Being in a younger mind-space makes most midlife affairs unsustainable. If one is careful, your partner will come back around more times than not. The trick is not to push judgment into your approach, which is hard to do since they are having an affair. I will help you pace the process.

A Focus on Exercise, Meditation, and New Routines

Midlife energizes a person! A person in midlife will often crave exercise! People in midlife will try out new activities and get focused on any new activities that support their new viewpoints of life! Additionally, midlifers will often begin meditation and explore other practices that help them shift their perspective in life.

It’s also common for people to change churches during midlife. Finally, people in midlife will also focus on getting in shape and eating better during their midlife awakening.

The good news is that midlife does push the body and mind to heal. So the extra drive to eat better and exercise does help the midlife process move along faster and more thoroughly for a person.

Leaving Behind Friends and Relationships.

A person in a midlife crisis, with a new personality, will walk away from old friends and relationships. Older friends and associations will try to get the midlifer to return to their old self. This push will feel like judgment to the midlifer, creates conflict, and pushes them away faster from their friends.

Advice:

To the older friends, be patient, don’t focus on the past, and be open to changes for the future.

For the midlifer, don’t overshare the changes you are working upon with your friends.

Wanting BIG Change!

People in midlife change want it fast and want it big.

You cannot tell a midlifer to slow down since that will cause them to push harder and speed up their change.

The problem is quite simple: the quicker a person pushes for change, the more issues and conflicts stirred up in the change process.

Wanting change and implementing change are two different things!

Instead:
1) Acknowledge the change the midlifer wants to make.

2) Help the midlifer build a foundation to support those changes.

3) Don’t focus on the negatives of the change process; let the midlifer discover them independently. If you focus on the problems, they will blame you when it doesn’t work later.

Acting Younger

Midlife does stir connections to a person’s past. It’s a time to heal past wounds and challenges. A midlifer will act younger because in part they are younger as the mind rewires itself.

Never tell a midlifer they are acting younger, nor to act their age as that will push them further away from you.

Rather in their younger state of mind, they are seeing things from new angles. Take advantage of the youthful viewpoint to change how you approach various challenges that were problematic for your older relationship.

The amazing truth of the youthful burst of energy is that midlife is the perfect time to heal past trauma! As a partner in midlife, you want to keep the healing process separate from your relationship. Otherwise, the midlifer will associate you with their past trauma and that will help break apart your relationship.

Frustration in Not Being Able to Do What You Used to Do

A common symptom of midlife is reaching a point where a person feels drained and unable to do what they used to do in life. It’s confusing because you know you are great at doing what you used to do, but there is no energy anymore to push ahead.

From my own experience, this was the hardest of the symptoms to work through in a midlife crisis. I was a high-power, leading-edge software developer working up my way up in the business world. Then my midlife crisis came rolling in, and I had no desire to program anymore. It was hard to reinvent myself while having zero energy for my old work.

This symptom is a problem because frequently, what you are doing is the very thing you are working and surviving against in life.

Most people ignore this symptom! This is a mistake. The truth is once you feel this, you have 2 to 5 years to reinvent yourself. If you don’t take time to reinvent yourself, you will discover yourself in a worse situation, with no clear path ahead. At the same time, your old skills fail to support your family and life.

Contact me right away if you or your partner is feeling this symptom. It means you have to sit down and develop a plan to create new options before you run out of steam.

You have to milk your old skills while building a new skillset. Most people only dive into the newer skillset, which is a mistake. Most people need their old skillset and to use it for a few years to support themselves as they build new skillsets. Bridging the difference between old and new skills is a challenging but essential part of many successful midlife crisis experiences.

I took five years using my old skillsets to support myself as I built a whole new business and lifestyle. Without pushing through to use my older skill set, I would never have been successful today.

If a person feels this in their relationship, it’s an invitation to build a new relationship with your current partner. This requires both space and a new set of eyes to find the path of getting out of older relationship patterns. Most partners try forcing the old relationship into the picture too soon and too hard. Instead, you have to give a person space to explore themselves and then reinvent your relationship into something better later, after the midlifer has looped through the common mistakes and learned a few critical life lessons first. You don’t want to use your marriage as the testing ground for their growth!

Explaining Midlife Crisis

Biological and psychological changes do happen in midlife. The changes are wired into us to help push change and diversity in our species. The changes in midlife can be summarized as being about empowering a person to be an elder and to embrace their power.

Empowerment often does disrupt relationships and the balance of your older life.  Imagine a mother who wants to start her own career over just being a caregiver, or a husband who wants to break away from an abusive job needed for the family but suppresses him from his dreams. Midlife is nature’s way to give a person an extra shot of energy, a 3-year jolt of energy to shift their storyline or get out of restrictive situations.

Midlife pushes a person to be more than just following their upbringing or traditions. Everyone thinks being an adolescent is the rebel point of life, when in fact midlife is the true point of tasting rebellion. This is why I call midlife crisis adolescence for adults. It’s important to help teach a midlifer and their partner to be ready for their new world. We take extra time to strengthen you and your partner to be able to transition with the changes in play so everyone can resynchronize in a healthy manner.

Many people are happy or content with their life, which means the extra burst of energy midlife imparts only is used to push them to be more creative or experiment in a mild manner. However, nature being nature doesn’t always push everyone by the same amount. One in four adults gets the turbocharged version of the event. If you or your partner are in this situation, resisting the process will create more problems.

Most people experience such a mild midlife experience that ironically people think midlife isn’t a real event in life. Those of us (Yes, I went midlife myself with afterburners turned on) who have experienced it or have had a partner in it, know it is a very real process.

Don’t worry Julie and I are here to help balance out your midlife process so you both grow and can harmonize your past, current, and future life in a more harmonious manner!

Getting Relationship and Midlife Crisis Help

Contact us directly and we can start helping you today!

I was searching the Internet for articles on midlife and came across Casey’s articles and website. I felt like I was searching for something more to do with the rest of my life, like “now what do I want to do now that I’m grown up??!” I’d owned my own personal training business for over 2 decades and was bored with it. I was dealing with arranging care for my mom with Alzheimer’s and trying to work through my husband being diagnosed with a deteriorating disease. It was all just too much.

I needed help and knew that counseling was not what I needed. I needed a life coach that dealt with the struggles of midlife and would help me learn new coping strategies and be that objective ear I desperately needed. The kindness, nonjudgment, and grace that poured through Casey’s articles told me he was what I needed. I knew his insights would be free from pressure and judgment.

I have worked with Casey and Julie for over 9 months now and don’t know what I would have done without them. They kept me from “cracking” and were thereby email in between phone sessions when I needed them. The dream sessions with Julie have been a real treat. Casey is a strong rock. Even though I have more struggles to face going forward in my life journey, I have these 2 guides, along with my faith, to shine the light on my path. If you want to grow, find peace, and honor the unique, powerful soul that you were created to be, you will never regret hiring these two loving souls!

Midlife Crisis Blossom
Kay