Top 6 Signs of Midlife Crisis
Most of the changes associated with a midlife crisis are psychological.
While we also undergo physical changes in midlife, all these changes are part of our natural aging process.
(1) Acting as Two Different People
A person in midlife will shift their personality as they grow into their newer self-created story.
The two versions of a midlifer, the old and new, often co-exist for a year or two. It’s very similar to adolescence when a teenager acts both as a child and an adult in an alternating manner.
The person in midlife change focuses on the newer changes evolving within their lives. At the same time, partners and friends of the midlifer may focus on the midlifer’s older self. The difference in life story perspective creates conflict as the newer and older stories don’t match up.
The other aspect of this change is the midlifer will often revisit challenges from the their childhood.
Much patience is required from all parties to reduce the conflict as the midlifer slowly takes the best of their old and new life to become a better person.
In part, the shifting of a personality drives many midlife affairs. The newer personality tends to look at other people as part of their growing experience. Ironically, we can use this fact to save your marriage from an affair. Being in a younger mind-space makes most midlife affairs unsustainable. If one is careful, your partner will come back around more times than not. The trick is not to push judgment into your approach, which is hard to do since they are having an affair. We help you pace the process.
I was searching the Internet for articles on midlife and came across Casey’s articles and website. I felt like I was searching for something more to do with the rest of my life, like “now what do I want to do now that I’m grown up??!” I’d owned my own personal training business for over 2 decades and was bored with it. I was dealing with arranging care for my mom with Alzheimer’s and trying to work through my husband being diagnosed with a deteriorating disease. It was all just too much.
I needed help and knew that counseling was not what I needed. I needed a life coach that dealt with the struggles of midlife and would help me learn new coping strategies and be that objective ear I desperately needed. The kindness, nonjudgment, and grace that poured through Casey’s articles told me he was what I needed. I knew his insights would be free from pressure and judgment.
I have worked with Casey and Julie for over 9 months now and don’t know what I would have done without them. They kept me from “cracking” and were thereby email in between phone sessions when I needed them. The dream sessions with Julie have been a real treat. Casey is a strong rock. Even though I have more struggles to face going forward in my life journey, I have these 2 guides, along with my faith, to shine the light on my path. If you want to grow, find peace, and honor the unique, powerful soul that you were created to be, you will never regret hiring these two loving souls!
(2) A Focus on Exercise, Meditation, and New Routines
A person in midlife will try out new activities that support their new viewpoints on life. A midlifer may begin meditation, martial arts, and other practices to help them shift their perspective in life.
It’s also common for people to change churches or explore spirituality during midlife. Finally, people in midlife will often crave exercise, focusing on getting in shape and eating better during their midlife awakening.
The good news is that midlife does push the body and mind to heal. Therefore, the extra motivation to eat better and exercise helps the midlife process progress more quickly and thoroughly for an individual.
(3) Leaving Behind Friends and Relationships
A person in a midlife crisis, with a new sense of self, will often walk away from old friends and relationships. Older friends and associations will try to get the midlifer to return to their old self. This push will feel like judgment to the midlifer, creating conflict and pushing them away.
Advice:
To the friends of midlifers, be patient, don’t focus on the past, and be open to changes for the future.
For the midlifer, don’t overshare the changes you are working on with your friends.
(4) Wanting BIG Change!
People in midlife often want change quickly and desire significant transformations.
If you tell a midlifer to slow down, it may have the opposite effect.
However, the quicker a person pushes for change, the more issues and conflicts get stirred up in the process.
Wanting change and implementing change are two different things!
For someone supporting a midlifer, we suggest:
- Acknowledging the change the midlifer wants to make
- Helping the midlifer build a foundation to support those changes
- Not focusing on the negatives of the change process. Let the midlifer discover them independently. If a spouse focuses on the problems, a midlifer may associate them with the problem and blame them.
(5) Acting Younger and Healing
A midlifer may act younger because, in part, the brain is rewiring.
With their new neural pathways, they see things from new angles. Take advantage of the youthful viewpoint to shift how you approach challenges in the relationship.
Midlife also stirs connections to a person’s past. The amazing truth of the youthful burst of energy is that midlife is a great time to heal past wounds. As a partner to a midlifer, we recommend keeping the healing process separate from the relationship. Otherwise, the midlifer may associate their past trauma with their spouse, and that tends to create conflict in the relationship.
(6) Frustration in Not Being Able to Do What You Used to Do
A common sign of midlife is reaching a point where a person feels drained and unable to do what they once did in life. It’s confusing because the midlife professional often knows they are great at what they do, but there is no energy left to push ahead.
From my own experience, this was the hardest of the symptoms to work through in a midlife crisis. I was a high-power, leading-edge software developer working my way up in the business world. Then my midlife crisis came rolling in, and I had no desire to program anymore. It was challenging to reinvent myself when I had zero energy for my old work.
This symptom is a problem because frequently, what you are doing is the very thing you are surviving against in life.
Most people ignore this symptom! This is a mistake. The truth is, once you feel this, you have 2 to 5 years to reinvent yourself. If you don’t take time to reinvent yourself, you will discover yourself in a worse situation, with no clear path ahead. At the same time, your old skills fail to support your family and life.
Contact us right away if you or your partner is experiencing this symptom. It’s a good idea to sit down and develop a plan to create new options before running out of steam.
The midlifer must leverage their existing skills while developing a new skill set. Most people only dive into the new skillset, which is a mistake. Most midlifers need to utilize their old skillset for a few years to support themselves while building new ones. Bridging the difference between old and new skills is a challenging but essential part of many successful midlife transformation experiences.
I spent five years utilizing my old skill sets to support myself while building an entirely new business and lifestyle. Without using my older skill set, I would never have been successful today.
If a person feels this in their relationship, it’s an invitation to build a new relationship with their current partner. This requires both space and a new set of eyes to find the path out of old relationship patterns. Most partners try forcing the old relationship into the picture too soon and too hard. Instead, you have to give a person space to explore themselves and then reinvent your relationship into something better later, after the midlifer has looped through the common mistakes and learned a few critical life lessons first. You don’t want to use your marriage as the testing ground for their growth!