Affairs and Infidelity – Help Me Save My Relationship

Facing Your Partner’s Affair

I will help you face the hardest challenge of your life: your life partner has broken your trust and is having an affair.

No matter what stage in the process you are in, Julie and I will assist you in navigating this most challenging situation of your relationship.

The good news is this: Midlife affairs are the most recoverable of affairs in life. I stress this because there is hope you can resolve this situation in a very positive manner.

However: It’s emotionally hard and takes time to rebuild trust after infidelity. With help it’s possible to avoid the common mistakes that can break apart your relationship.

We are always here to answer questions when you need help!

During the past three months, you have been extremely helpful. Through listening to me you really helped me understand the process me and my wife were going through. You really listened and taught me how to handle my very intense emotions and feelings. It was very important to have you during this part of my life. You gave me the confidence to talk to you deeply and honestly.

Every time I needed to talk about my very intense moments you were there just a phone call or an email away. Your assessment and understanding of what was going on were very gentle and precise. Through our conversations, I was able to sort out deep feelings of confusion, frustration, and pain. I was able to help my partner go through the process smoothly and without major obstacles.

I was able to apply your very sincere and strong recommendations of acceptance and patience. I was able to establish a balance in the whole family. After all, you guided me to become a better person, stronger, and to start living with my heart.

Carlos

Get Help Facing the Affair Right Away!

If your partner is in an affair, you can start working with me immediately with this 30-minute video.

If you are the person in the affair, contact us right away since your next steps must be taken with care to help you through the challenge you now face.


The Three Steps of Facing Infidelity

The goal is to minimize the common mistakes made while getting over the shock of the situation. Be aware what often seems right in the moment will twist into unexpected problems.  What works for one relationship can cause a disaster for another couple. This is why a guide is so essential to help you analyze your situation for the best approach to your relationship challenge.

Everyone wants fast answers; sadly, fast answers often lead to deeper relationship conflicts. The process of saving your marriage will move slower than you feel it should, which is a considerable challenge. All the shortcuts are exit ramps, and this is one reason why Julie and Casey will guide you with strength and patience to make the distance.

Step One

Pause.

Do not confront your partner right away.

The shock of your partner being in an affair often causes a person to act instinctually, and those instincts push for the fast confrontational options. Yes, you can confront your partner, but only after taking some time to validate the situation and taking some time to center yourself.

Question: What if I did confront my partner and the situation is worse now?

Many people contact us after they have confronted their partner. We will help you navigate your challenge.

Once a couple exposes an affair, it’s best to get some help for the five following reasons:

  1. Get help to pace your communication with each other.
  2. Learn how to handle the ongoing pain and conflict that gets stirred up through resolving the affair’s impacts.
  3. Change your habits/routine to prevent repeating the problems that led to the current situation.
  4. Learn new relationship behaviors.
  5. Resolving any trauma that is in play.

Fortunately, a midlife affair is the most recoverable affair situation you could be facing in life. We will help you work towards the best solutions.

Question: When do I confront my partner?

It depends on your situation. On average it is best to wait until step two to confront their partner. Take the time to fully understand everything in play for your situation. Once you engage your partner, many other factors suddenly arise that will need to be addressed by you. So it’s essential to be in your strength to face the various surprise revelations.

Step Two

Re-balancing communication and other issues.

Affairs are symptoms of other problems in the relationship!

If you want to save your marriage, you will have to resolve the problems that led to the affair. If you don’t resolve those issues, you will only discover failure later, no matter how much work you do to address the infidelity itself.

Julie and I will sit down to identify the problems in play and help you come up with a plan for your situation.

It’s important to have an outside expert to help mediate the process to prevent judgment/pain from tearing your relationship further apart.

In a midlife crisis, older problems come back to haunt a person, or older bad habits inherited from your family or other sources tend to come into play. Ironically these issues while outside your relationship tend to create relationship problems. Many times the reason your partner is in an affair is because of these outside issues. I can’t count how many times past abuse, trauma from the parents, or other outside issues are the real source of the affair.

You want to create a safe space for you and your partner to heal from these issues.

Relationship Tip

A common mistake at this stage is to confront the “other person” in your partner’s affair. Confronting the other person (or their partner) in the affair will only increase the chances of your relationship breaking apart. Avoid this common mistake and understand that this tactic often creates additional problems.

Step Three

Reinvent your marriage.

People often think this is step two, but before you reinvent your relationship, you need to remove the undercutting problems.

Each couple reinvents their relationship in a different manner. A midlife crisis is a time when a person wants to redefine themselves. Couples that successfully navigate a midlife affair will also create a fresh and new relationship. The newer relationship will often be quite different than your older relationship.

One day my wife did the hardest thing she has probably ever had to do. She told me that after 18 years of being together she felt that things just didn’t feel right anymore between us. Looking for help and resources relating to a midlife crisis on the web, mostly I found bitter and angry discussions or advice. Nothing resonated with how my wife and I saw the nature of our situation until we came across Casey’s website. The idea that a transformation and not a crisis was at hand immediately spoke to us as individuals.

The essays on his site were the first “sane” things my wife had read at the beginning of this process. She and I contacted Casey independently and felt encouraged that there was something good that could come from all this. Through the guided exercise of patience, being kind to one another, and working with a spirit of non-judgment, Casey has helped the two of us maintain a level of honest communication that would have been hard to muster during this difficult time in our lives.

Speaking for myself, six months into this period of transformation has been painful yet wonderful. If Casey wasn’t here for guidance and teaching I think this period would be most painful. Our two children are certainly benefiting from the graceful way in which my wife and I are handling the big changes in our relationship. I know that through Casey’s encouragement and instruction the two of us will be able to maintain the deepest of friendships that will last a lifetime.

Randy Midlife Affair
Randy